What do you long for the most in your intimate relationship? Is it connection, love, joy, passion? How do you react when there’s conflict?
One thing I’ve noticed after working with couples for over 10 years is that their deepest need to feel connected. Even after 25 years of marriage, if you asked me whats mattered the most, what was most challenging I’d say it’s all about connection.
Why connection matters and why conflict is seen as a threat…
We want to feel understood, safe and loved. When there is a sign that we aren’t connected such as When we argue, don’t see eye to eye, or sense a feeling of distance between us we react in ways that get us the opposite of connection. And truthfully? Our reactions to conflict are usually defensive and sometimes very hurtful.
When we react to pain our defenses get triggered; we put up a wall, attack, criticize or shut down and this creates more disconnection, more pain and sometimes leads to resentment. At times our arguments are over little things and other times they are huge. But no matter what we argue about, at it’s core is the threat of disconnection. When it finally happens we can and do get stuck in a power struggle over who’s right or wrong, who needs to change and who is going to give in first. This can be very painful and can fill the space between us with negativity and pain. So how do you shift from conflict to connection? Read more at A healing approach to conflict in intimate relationships. Please post your comments there and if you find this article helpful please pass it on. Thank you…
May you have love, joy and happiness
This is a really interesting article. Thanks.
This is a really interesting article. Thanks.